So, my lovelies, if you’re still out there tuning in, or are tuning back in from a long winter’s nap, this is the telling of my first month as a stationary being again.
Denver, home to me for the next many a month. So being stationary for the while I’ve been here so far has brought about very interesting and unexpected discoveries about me. I’ve surprised myself more than enough time with new habits and approaches to things that make me wonder, with seething curiosity, what sort of a beast I’ll be when I finish the trip on the whole.
The night of my first whole day in Denver my roommates took me out to a show for the evening. I made three new friends, two of which were completely independent of those I knew and had come with. This outgoingness was a strange new by-product of my adventures, since in New York I pretty much stuck with the crowds I knew. On top of this, within the first two weeks I had several dating prospects and had been on several dates with various girls.
I was very much liking the new me. In addition to this strange outgoingness that I’d developed I suddenly had an urge to make a list for just about anything I did. On my job hunt I made a list of all the places and areas I wanted to hit for applications, next to it timed out bus schedules to hit each one in order and around the appropriate times. Then followed that up with dates to check back on them and my general impression of the feel I got there. More lists for activities I wanted to start organizing for my stay like dinner parties, capture the flag games, and writing groups. Connected with them were lists of people who showed interest in each thing with their contact info and temporary deadline dates to get something going so I didn’t get lethargic about it. I even made a list of foods I liked, spent an hour pricing them out in the store, then cross referenced everything on the list to see which ones would compliment the most of the others to make a variety of things so I didn’t get tired of eating the same old food.
It was a surreal sight to witness my new found organization. So things developed quickly for me, so quickly that I suddenly felt overwhelmed and too busy. Because of this I came up with an organizer and laid out my time so I could have days to loaf about without feeling like I should be doing something to set up. With all my fluster and flurry I felt like money was slipping through my fingers and time was running out on me. That was when I realized I’d fallen right back into life as it was before the walk. This upset me.
Suddenly I realized the walk now seemed like a dream to me. A past that I’d done long, long ago and was just a story to tell to people. I couldn’t reclaim it anymore because it actually was in the past, even though it wasn’t as far back as it seemed, and I wasn’t going to continue on until the winter had blown over and spring bloomed half of a year later. Everything started to feel like just another nomadic jaunt like any of the others I’d done in the past that made me wonder if I was running away or actually moving forward with myself.
Then, towards the end of the month, my dating took two very happy turns that helped this situation out. One girl, Melanie, I had gone out a few times with and no moment arising that felt right to steal away a kiss. By the third date I thought of a part of Karenina where a moment comes in a courtship that is unspoken and if it passes by with no moment then, while still unspoken, the relationship slips into a firm friendship. This happened and since that night passed where I realized we were going to simply be friends, we have become quite good friends.
The second was on a date with another girl, Laura, whom I met up with in Boulder for drinks. We had a great night talking about all the things I’d missed talking about with the friends of my ever distancing past long ago. After several hours we left the bar each still quite content to be in possession of very sober and happy fluttering minds. I was taking a bus back to Denver that night, but it didn’t leave for another hour so we took a stroll through a nearby park. Over a bridge, running over a little creek, we talked some more then before parting we dared kisses from each other for some moments at length.
So the great many blessings of my lengthy stroll have continued to surround me during my intermission. By the second week in I’d sequestered a great job at a coffee shop. Not one of the people I’ve worked with, yet, has been unenjoyable. We even went off karaoking together one night where I did a rendition of Nat King Cole’s L-O-V-E. Everything has pretty much worked out.
As far as my stints with nostalgia, the feelings of reverting to boredom again, and all of that goes, it makes me remember the thoughts I had at the firewalk. These thoughts I’d thought of often while walking, but now that I’m here they emerge quite frequently as well. The notion that as soon as it seems like everything will continue falling together without my effort they immediately stop and complications arise. The same goes for when I stress out and try to develop a routine and system to keep myself fresh and moving. But when I simply know everything will come together, don’t worry about it, but continue to work at it, despite the outlook at the time everything does pop together nicely in its own way.
So this was my first month of September in Denver. Friends, companionship, work, and shelter all came together nicely and quickly. On to October to see what happens with it all.